What the f**k was I thinking?

The words “what the fuck was I thinking” came up in a conversation I had with a friend the other day. My mate just came out with it in a conversation we were having and I exclaimed “that is gold mate that is one of the ultimate realisations!”

Allow me to explain...

Basically upon liberation, this is the realisation. It is simply the seeing of reality for the first time. Then it dawns on you how ridiculous everything seems. All that time you spent trying to crack no self, this is the realisation that cracks you up. It is literally just that “what the fuck was I thinking” thought and I laughed out loudly to myself.

You see all your life, your reality has been based on a flawed assumption, that there is actually some kind of separate agent responsible for producing thought. When seen as how ridiculous it actually is, when you bother to take the time to look, then you have witnessed the core mechanism responsible for dysfunctional thought. Then you can not take it seriously any more.

The mind carries on as it always did but there is just literally the seeing of the illusory nature of  the reference to "I" in conscious thought. There is no separation from the experience of existence, that is all there is in reality. There is a body experiencing existence, that is it. You are not your body or mind, you are not awareness, there literally is no you in real life. It does not exist in objective reality and in the subjective realm it is wholly illusory. There categorically is no you whatsoever.

You can dress up this realisation as true self or the realisation that “you” is something other than the many labels of the brain throws up such as “I am a teacher”, “I am love” or “I am awareness”.

There is no entity there whatsoever. There is just a life living itself as it always has done from the moment you were born. That is it. That is all there ever was.

Now you can live your life free from the burden of maintaining a façade of an illusory self that is never satisfied with its accomplishments, crumbles when one of its identifications is shown to be false and is constantly drawing its image from the feedback of other people.

It could be that you have been chasing your tail all your life, looking for answers that you have never found. Maybe you are looking for the answer to:

Who am I really, or what is the meaning of life?

You don't know who you are if you are honest with yourself, you may say “I am a mechanic” or “a father” but what really does that mean? 

How does that differentiate you from the countless mechanics and fathers there are throughout the world. You can keep looking at all these labels but that is all they are, labels that a false sense of self is identified with. You can draw as many labels as you like but at the end you will just have a list of meaningless labels that will not differentiate you from any other person alone.

Maybe you try and find the meaning in everything, after all we are human, we are driven to find a purpose for our lives and a purpose for everything as we operate on this chunk level cause and effect programming, which is as we know, illusory anyway.

I can tell you the two answers to these questions.

1. A fictional reference in subjective thought
2. What is the meaning of a carrot?

Does not seem so profound really but seeing with clarity, it becomes so obvious (well the carrot reference was to make you think and you will probably conclude that a carrot has no meaning it just IS. There is your answer). There are many other questions to be answered but these ones no longer pose an existential problem. More answers leads to more questions, more understanding of the nature of reality and some beautiful discoveries. Life is a gift, this experience of existence is a precious gift. Time to drop this nonsense idea of a self and get with reality. That is all this is, the pure unadulterated truth, that there is no separation from thought, experience and existence.

Look and see if there is any truth in the statement there is no you, you are an illusion. Then you will have your ultimate realisation of “What the fuck was I thinking?”